You Lie
by Derp-For-Homestuck
Summary: This feels wrong. Your mind screams at you to let go and back away. This person in your arms isn't the one you love. This person you gently kiss isn't your soulmate. But you still hold her. You still smile at her when she smiles. You still care about her. But she's not him. She's nothing like the short male you fell in love with. You aren't happy. She is, and maybe that's enough.
**Two days**

She kisses you. You smile and gentally peck her cheek in return. You walk her home and she kisses you again.  
'Jade.' You tell her. 'Have a good night.' She smiles and shuts the door. You throw up in the bushes next to her drive way.

 **Two months, and six days.**

She says she loves you. She holds you tight in her arms, crying her eyes out.  
You hold her close, and whisper the same words back.  
You lie to her. It's wrong, but in some twisted way, it's kind of right.

 **Six months twelve days.**

He's congratulating you, telling you he's so proud you finally quit your lady hopping and settled down.  
You smile at him and tell him how grateful you are to have her.  
You lie to him. And it's wrong.  
He doesn't noticed when you slip away. And he doesn't hear when you start to cry. He isn't yours.

 **Seven months, three days.**

She wants a baby. You are only 23, you tell her. She cries, and you hold her. You tell her you're just not ready to be a father yet.  
She yells that havent even had sex yet. And you tell her you don't want sex, because you love her enough to go without it.  
She cries more, and she won't let you hold her.

 **Seven months eighteen days**

You have sex with her. She smiles, and she's glowing. You wore a condom, because again, you aren't ready for a baby. You think of him the whole time. It's wrong.

 **Eight months four days.**

'Dave.' She says. 'We need to move.'  
You tell her you cant move. She asks why not. And you tell her it's because this is your home.  
You lie to her.  
You can't move because you're still in love with Karkat.

 **Eight months, nine days.**

You tell him you love him. You're drunk and so is he. You lean into him for support and whisper the words in his ear.  
He grins and says then back.  
Your smile falls when you realise, through the fog of your state, that he means platonically.  
You vomit on his shoes.  
He laughs.

 **Eight months and twenty-four days.**

It's your birthday. She throws you a surprise party. Karkat is there, and he gives you a hug as you walk through the door.  
He's the only thing you care about in that room.  
She kisses your cheek and hands you a wrapped box. You smile at her, and pull them both into a hug.

 **Nine months, five days**

He kisses you. He's drunk, his face flushed from vodka shots with Terezi.  
You're only slightly buzed. But you pretend to be hammered. Just so you can kiss him back.  
His tongue is in your mouth and you moan.  
Two seconds later he passes out in your lap.  
You sigh somewhat sadly and drape his drunken body over the couch and go to bed.  
Jade won't be home until tomorrow.

 **Nine months, six days.**

You wake up to Karkats face inches from your own.  
You smile for a moment, before panicking and falling off the bed.  
He only snores.  
You stand and go to the kitchen to make coffee.  
You know how he is when he first wakes up. He always needs coffee.  
You smile at that.  
Jade walks through the door and she comes over to kiss you. You tell her that Karkat passed out in their bed. She asks where you slept. You point to the couch.  
You lie to her. And its still wrong.  
When he wakes up, he remembers nothing of last night.  
You sigh a little in disappointment.

 **Eleven months.**

He's moving. Him and Gamzee are getting an apartment in New York. At first you were afraid they were dating. But then you find out that Gamzee is dating some guy he met online that lives in New York.  
So that's why they're moving.  
Terezi holds a going away party, and hits them both upside the head.

You smile at this, and tell him you'll miss him. He asks you to stay longer, and says he needs to talk to you.

You nod, and wait.

He wants to talk about the drunk kiss. He remembers it. He asks if you do.

You tell him you don't.

You lie to him. But that's starting to be less wrong.

 **Eleven months, nineteen days.**

she breaks up with you. She says you aren't working out, and that she thinks you're cheating on her.

She cries, and you try to hold her. She throws pillows at you and informs you that you need to move out.

You tell her there has never been anyone other than her.

She says she doesn't believe you.

She shouldn't.

You lie to her. And this time its right.

 **Two weeks**

You stay with John and Vriska for a while, and you thank them for letting you crash on their couch. But it's time for you to go. You pack up your dufflebag of clothes, and set off for New York.

You have a sister to visit.

And you swear you aren't going just because you want to see him.

You lie to yourself.

 **One month, eighteen days.**

You find yourself standing in front of his door. Your hand is already in position to knock, but you hesitate.

You are about to lower your fist when the lock clicks open and the door swings inward.

Karkat stares at you, then at your bag, and back at you. His eyes soften and he steps aside to let you in.

He tells you he'll be right back, that he needs to make sure Gamzee hasn't died yet.

You tell him you'll be fine and he smiles.

 **One month, twenty days.**

You. Are drunk. He's been sipping his drink slowly all night, but you have gulped down bottle after bottle.

He eyes you carefully, and finally asks the question you were waiting for.

'why did you and Jade break up?'

You shrug, and open your mouth to say something but he speaks before you can.

'I thought you loved each other?'

'she foun out Im nove with smone lse.' You tell him, not fully aware if he understands your slurred words or not.

'who?'

You smile softly at that, and shake your head.

You don't tell him, while isn't exactly lying.

 **Three months and four days.**

He kisses you.

You aren't drunk.

And as far as you can tell, he isn't either.

But he kisses you. He pushes your body against the door of his room and kisses you.

The drink in your hand falls to the ground.

You push him away and stupidly ask, 'why?'

He tells you why not and kisses you again.

You don't question it any further.

 **Three months, eight days.**

He tells you he loves you.

He says he means it.

You tell him you love him too.

And for once in over a year. You aren't lying to anyone.

…

FIN


End file.
